There have been a couple of times that I’ve nearly walked away from the faith… I could go into the issues, and air a little dirty laundry, but I’ll spare you those details.
Most of my significant struggles have dealt with the manner/method in which people live our the Christian life (including myself). My disappointment in their actions led me to question if Christianity was real at all…
I mean, if they’ve come into relationship with Christ, and agreed to have their life changed by that relationship, how could they (fill in the blank here, you’ve probably got a couple of examples of your own).
Instead of questioning the person, I’ve questioned all of Christianity… is what we do… is what we profess real enough to manifest itself in a powerful way? Or, are we just upholding a social tradition that works for some, doesn’t work for others, and in the end will become as irrelevant as the church is in other parts of the post-modern world?
It’s a heavy question, and one that I’ll probably always struggle with. But let me tell you why I stay typing, stay serving, stay believing.
It’s because I think that deep down, the issue isn’t with God, but with the continually selfish nature of humans. And while coming to accept Jesus may take a few moments (between saying a prayer and getting baptized), the true manifestation of that conversion in a way that exudes to every aspect of our lives may take a very long time. Until then, we’ll keep hurting people.
And, I think that each person is on their own timeline, which is known by God, but not always dictated by God in a way that ensures a person reaches a certain level of holiness by year X. Free choice means that someone can be stiff-necked to the Spirit, staying selfish where they want to stay selfish, and becoming more Christ-like where they release themselves to God.
It’s hard… because church is a place filled with folks at a variety of stages along the walk to God. And so, despite our best (or not so best) efforts, it means that we’re not going to be perfect… we may say the wrong thing on Sunday… we might not (gasp) serve with a cheerful heart one week… if we expect perfection, we’ll just be dissappointed.
But the thing that should always separate ourselves from a social group of like-minded individuals, is that at the end of the day, the same forgiveness that draws us to Christ will also lead us to forgive those around us who mess-up along the way.
The same patience that God shows us as we stumble again, and again, is the same patience that we show our Christian brother or sister who sins against us.
And that love… that patience, is bound to drive us collectively
to something better
to someone better
to Christ.